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5 Stephen Colbert Quotes That Prove He's The Funnest Man On TV

Stephen Colbert. Ah, how we love this man. 

Whether it will be from The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, or from his days on Comedy Central, Mr. Birthday Boy is one of the funniest talents on the tube today.

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And though we try to stay away from commenting on politics, Mr. Colbert, or Dr. Colbert, as he's said before ("I have a doctorate in fine arts from Knox College in Illinois. All I did was give a speech and now everybody has to call me Dr. Colbert.") has made some pretty funny or profound quotes in his time.


"I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it’s more than that. It’s an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream. You gotta keep it away from your eyes… Obviously, it’s a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it’s better than crying about it." - Entertainment Weekly



"The pen is mightier than the sword... if you shoot that pen out of a gun." - The Colbert Report, Season 2, Comedy Central


"I believe gender is a spectrum, and I fall somewhere between Channing Tatum and Winnie the Pooh." - 'Stephen Colbert Shares Why He Thinks Women Should Be in Charge of Everything,' Glamour


"Simply being a guest on David Letterman's show has been a highlight of my career. I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave's lead. I'm thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth." - quoted in Rolling Stone


"When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around in a quitter." - Stephen Colbert


Happy Birthday Stephen!



Amy Cooper is the type of journalist that when asked "What do you bring to the table," she replies "I am the table.